it's the truth!!!!

My New Favorite Obsession

Every bit as impressive as the first.

I recommend buying at least 3 copies of each that way you can play no matter where you are and you will have extras in case you lose one or two.

(If you have adblock on or any kind of ad filtering service there are 3 amazon ads for Portal 2 above all this text. I would truly be forever grateful if you disabled it for my site as I need the revenue that they generate to buy medicine and beer.)

I have been running through test chambers like a man addicted. I will not say anything about anything in the game because I have already heard far too many spoilers for my tastes and I wouldn't dare commit the same atrocities towards my readers. Portal 2 is ...great. I don't know what else to say. I could come up with some witty diatribe about how awesome I think it is, but words have lost there meanings from overuse and all I can think of is to say go buy it and play it.

Actually, play through Portal first to freshen up. Play it all the way to the end, then play Portal 2. I think you may get a bit more enjoyment that way. You don't have to, but I did and I think it was worth it. Started playing the old half-life series again as well and i am thinking of jumping back into Team Fortress also.




Here is a link to The orange box for those who don't own the first one. If you are going to get it and are a reader here, please consider buying through me. Also, if you go through any of these links, check to make sure you are getting the best deal with shipping and price, sometimes the first thing amazon shows you isn't always the cheapest when shipping is factored in.

I'll catch the next one.

Been pretty sick lately. Couldn't get to the updates I wanted to do. Which blows because after watching a few months of trends it appears that the only way traffic stays up and consistent is if I post multiple times per day with quality content. I mean, I can post 800 times per day it's just the quality part that gets me.

Also I noticed that Posts that I think are great and will do really well go completely unnoticed, but shit that I think is a stretch to even put up gets the most views with the most positive response. Maybe my idea of quality is off a little.

What do you think?

I pee'd a little

Nailed it!

Made this because I am a huge Henrietta fan. If you like her then you are welcome. If you want a custom one of your own for any of the other girls just leave a message.

An understatement in class

You will not hear me utter the word epic very often. It was a great idea at first but unfortunately it's intensity was raped and murdered by 11 year olds on xbox live.
No.
I think it should be reserved only for the truly deserving atrocities in our beautiful world.

...and with that I give you all the most epic album covers of all time. This may be very old to some of you, but to those who have never seen them, ...

You really have to appreciate the gentle subtext of the aura given off by the very subtle use of the outer glow effect.

With this one you have to really look deep to see exactly how much thought went into the very loose arrangement and composition of the bears, which, I am being told, is a play on his name "Big Bear".
Very clever.

What's really impressive is that these album covers manage to convey the exuberant life of the gangsta rapper in a very classy understated manner.

I can't fit it all in.

That's what she said. 

I can't fit everything I use into one shot.

For those of you who have asked to see my work area. I am not happy unless I am surrounded.

A past time to pass the time

One of my semi favorite activities is trying to bring a slight amount of couthe and refinement to the otherwise vapid underworld of Omegle. I don't know why I do it, but I do.

If you hurry, you can catch me there now.

Today's mystery question for the masses:

             "What do parsley and sage have to do with a sickle of leather?"

The answer of course is a reference to the ancient song "Scarborough Fair" The meaning has been debated for quite some time but I am just going to go looking for anyone that may actually have a little class and has heard the song.

So if you are heading over and you have a conversation starting out with this question, Congratulations, you have just struck conversational gold.

Different DNA

I am pretty snobbish when it comes to music. Not that I rub my musical preferences in others faces all holier than thou, rather snobbish in the sense that I don't like very much. Music is deeply personal to me so I only listen to things that move me on a level that goes beyond just moving me to motion.

I have been a musician for as long as I could remember. My love of music is so deep and personal to me that I never share anything I make on my own. I have been in bands before, but while everyone was pushing for success, I was just as happy to sit in a recording studio and just pump out something for us to listen to.

People often react very shocked when I tell them that I don't listen to a lot of music, then equally as surprised when I know about all the different music going on around me. I don't much care for the classic musicians of our time like Floyd and Zeppelin. That is not to say that I think they are bad, I just don't care for it. People can never understand the distinction between disliking something and thinking it is terrible.

I have loved songs from artists that I hate as well as hate songs from artists that I love.

I never listen to the radio, I was not raised on the classics and my preferential spectrum is pretty narrow. When it comes to actual musical exposure, despite being a musician, I am quite sheltered.

This ocassionaly leads to a scenario where I inevitably get suckered into sharing some of my creations with people. "wow this sounds like pink floyd, you must really be a fan" ...nope, never heard anything from them but their radio stuff and its not really my thing. "how can you say that, this sounds just like it and you made it" ...this was a mistake.

or

"wow, your playing is very jazz influenced, do you listen to a lot of jazz" nope, none really. "but you play like a jazz guy would play" I don't really listen to much, most of what I do is just what I feel is appropriate for the music I hear.

Sometimes I look at my total musical ignorance as one of my strongest assets, I feel like what I do is untainted with the soils of someone else style. Then I realize that is impossible. Playing inst just influenced by others music, it draws inspiration from everything. I am also pretty sure that I mimic a lot of what I hear but am just not consciously aware of it (I put this here to avoid people contacting me with counterpoints. I know, I am just not touching on them.).

So, to actually get to a point here. Music is a bit different for me. I am sure everyone takes music in in a different way. This is how it is for me. It must speak to the very core of my being before I will even consider it to be something I enjoy.

but,

Every once and a while I get a little surprise. An artist (or two) that I totally despise on that deep emotional level will put something out and just rock me. I could give less of a fuck about what the rest of the world thinks of things I like so it doesn't bother me when it happens, even knowing that I had spoken out negatively against this particular artist in the past.

Katy Perry.
I do not find her attractive.
I do not care for the quality of her talent.
I would never expect to have a song of hers in my "deep" playlist
But wouldn't you know.

Extraterrestrial.
I don't care what the song is really about. I know what I hear when I listen to it.

...and I like it.

Must. Keep. Working.

All work and no play,
something
something

Pedophile/Ephebophile, those are just fancy words for Awesome!

When I had a job, I would often find myself overhearing and then in the midst of these types of morality debates. As if they matter to begin with, I would often just say things to get a rise out of people. I would typically never let my real thoughts on subjects be known.

Anyway, the radio was on and it was something to the tune of a concert announcement for one of these disney pop starlets. We will say, because I don't remember and it makes the most sense, it was Hannah Montana.

Honestly, I have no clue how it shifted over to men being pigs for ogling her. I know I didn't start it because at this point I was still just listening from a distance, and no one knew I was in the room.

Then I heard the fated statement.

"Sick Pedophiles"

Normally, I tread very carefully around this subject even when doing my usual ploy to dupe people into thinking I am a certain way, only because it seems to be such a taboo subject that the mere insinuation that one is devious towards children can lead to a whole shitload of unwanted attention.

This time, I had to say something. I think any male reading this (I don't think I have any female readers) knows exactly where this is going. I turned to her, and in a very uncharacteristic move, spoke my true feelings on the matter quite bluntly. I told her that I found Miley to be very attractive and that it ddn't make me sick. Her rebuttal was that she was underage and it truly was sick to think of her in a sexual manner.

This is normally the point where anyone with even a remote amount of knowledge in a subject realizes that the person they are speaking with is a total imbecile and regardless of the amount of factual, logic based information you present them with they are very happy to just shut you out and refuse anything. This phenomenon is most prevalent in religious debates although I hesitate to use the term "debate".

I simply looked at her again and said, "I'd do her in a heartbeat" then turned and walked back to my office.

I felt a little empty, I wanted to convince her that being attracted to this:

and this

and this

 was not wrong. It is simply the brain responding to what it has been trained to respond to.

Fertility.

But, by today's standards if you think this is attractive:

then you are fucked in the head. Forget for a moment that this is an actual promotion shot for a movie that has been released. Meaning this is how we were all meant to see it. Not a candid shot. Not an accidental photo of Dakota Fanning slipped out to the public by sneaky paparazzi.

For that matter, lets examine a candid shot of another young disney star. Selena Gomez:

Young, I would be branded a pedophile, or more appropriately an ephebophile, if I had a single sexual thought about her. What about you. Do you find her attractive? She has breasts and curves, all of which are apparent through her clothing, all of which we are programmed to seek out and BE attracted to regardless of age.

Lets take a trip back in time shall we? Say 2003. Cover of Vanity Fair.

Find any of these girls sexually attractive?

Yes?

Well then.

Only one of these girls was of an age which would be considered appropriate for an adult male to have sexual feelings towards, and despite the title "It's totally raining TEENS" (which isn't suggestive enough) Alexis Bledel was 22 at the time of this cover.

Duff and Wood were 15, Lohan was 16 about to turn 17, Raven the Twins and Bynes were 17 some just barely, and Moore was 19.

Anyway, I have a lot of points here.

We teach our kids to be more cautious and scared of sex and nudity than murder and violence.

Media will flaunt little girls in our faces and tell us something is wrong if we like it.

They will flood TV with violence, aggression, and gore all of which has only had it's restrictions alleviated through the years. Yet peace and lovemaking are the enemy and considered perverse.

We leave our children untended with games with severely graphic depictions of murder and gore.  Yet we will panic and scream bloody murder over a nipple being exposed to our youth's eyes.

Don't misunderstand, I love games, violent ones and fucked up sexual ones the same. But when we shelter ourselves from sex and nudity more than we do from violence and hate, don't you think we may have taken a wrong turn somewhere?

There is no fate

I have literally been drawing my fingers down to the nubs. I am in love with this story I am working on, so much so that it feels like I have become the character that it is about. Everything in my life now has a different color to it, everything I see simply turns into a new object to be transformed into the pages of the novel.
I have sketched out so many character concepts and scenes, written countless pages of scenes and commentary. I have researched weapons and clothing styles, and rearranged everything in my production area to conform to my creative streak.
I constantly alternate between digital work and paper sketches. I have grown so far beyond caring whether or not a single other person ever sees this. This one is for me and me alone.

I am still not satisfied with my abilities, I need quite a bit more practice. Nay, what I need is a lifetime of wisdom and technique development crammed into the past few months so everything I draw doesn't seem so flat. I am confident I will develop to the point of acceptability, I just hope it happens before I can't do it anymore.

I wish I could transfer my years of musical development over to artistry, that would make things easier. I don't think I wasted my life perfecting the drums for the past 20 years, but the fact that I don't even play for anyone anymore and focus all my energy on art doesn't help quell those feelings.

I guess, I wouldn't trade who I am or what I went through for anything, but it would be nice to know more people with a similar background as me, although I don't think I have ever come across anyone like that.

Sometimes, when I stare off into space, I can't even remember who I was. Which is good. There is nothing there I really care to recall, but it does make it difficult to fit in most days. Family gatherings, social outings, these are never easy things for me to deal with. Not because I am not good at them, more because they take work. Whereas most people spend time around others and they are just "being" I have to act. I have to constantly put on a show in order to not raise suspicion. Like a computer constantly running a background task it becomes taxing on me so I usually prefer to avoid these types of things for long periods. Even when I am just with my own family, it is no different. I feel bad for them, always wondering why I keep to myself so much, always in another room. The only time I can relax is when I am by myself.
Even then it can be taxing.
I think back to all the people I've known, those who thought of me as a friend, if they only knew that I never once cared for them at all. Would they have treated me differently?

This life, this prison amongst humanity, has become far too taxing on my soul.

Perhaps that is why I am pouring so much effort into this piece.
Escape...

Every conversation on the internet