So Sick.

I'm losing it.

and by losing it I mean lost it.

I'm sick, sick in ways I can't even discuss with people who know me.

When I look at people, and think of the day to day routine that they trudge through, I feel violent. I was never meant for this life of mediocrity and routine.

I was shopping with the woman I live with this weekend. We needed some things.
Coffee
Water
Milk
I sat in the car in the parking lot for a moment and watched as the patrons entered and exited.
I filled with disgust.
Not for them personally, but rather their complacence with the ordinary.

How would they respond if threatened? Would they cower, cry, run? How many would stand and fight. How many have already? Which one of these automatons could place their instincts ahead of their sloth?

The reliance that they feel on knowing that everything will be okay, and that it could never happen to me has stripped them of their ability to live.

I feel sick.

I was not meant for this kind of life.